Lent '14: Ashes on my hands

Ash Wednesday. 3/5/2014 - Daily Readings

Once again we begin Lent; once again we receive ashes. This morning at Mass, after I gave the Ashes, I noticed that I had a lot of ashes left on my hands. As I washed them off, I became aware that once again I longed to enter into this season and make the most out of it in order to be re-oriented again. Life has a way of making us live mindlessly. Lent gives me a chance to recollect myself and become more aware, more mindful. I continue to follow Jesus and I want to follow Him as a “repented” disciple. 

Lent, then, cannot be reduced to a season of “giving things up.” I am becoming more and more suspicious of this practice. It sounds like it has an end in itself. What’s the purpose of giving something up? The Gospel doesn’t speak of this. It calls to fasting, to alms giving and to prayer. I want to do the same.

These practices, like all other practices, are forms of asceticism; I know they want to teach me something important: how to be more myself, how to be more human. 

Fasting calls me to be more aware of myself, to awaken to my own sinfulness and conscience, to break down the chain that holds me down and makes it difficult for me to move towards others. Alms giving makes me available to the other, whoever this may be, and allow me to move beyond the fences I build with my own ideas, opinion and self-righteousness. Prayer allows me to be open to God and consider Him as Other, making me aware of my total dependence on Him and Him alone. 

Lent is a serious season but it doesn’t have to be a sad one. All these practices can renew in me enthusiasm and renewal of my desire to walk more authentically with God and be united with Him, together with all those who, like me, become aware of their own sinfulness and live their lives as beloved children of God.

The entrance into this season is regulated by a refrain: “Your Father… will repay you.” I know that my Lenten Journey is not trodden in vain; the practices do not have an end in themselves. The Father knows. And this can be a bit tricky. God seems to be sensitive about these things: He wants to be the only one who sees them. Once I “show off” He says “you got your reward already.” I need to make sure that this becomes fixed in my mind. I want to journey for Him, to make His heart rejoice. 

I enter Lent with an attitude. The first reading helps me to understand the proper one. At the time of Joel,  Locusts have destroyed everything and now people were wondering: where is God? They had nothing else to offer Him, as they could not celebrate the sacrifices. The ‘God of Plenty’ had withdrawn, now the people's offering comes not from the first fruits of the earth but from the contrite heart of the people. Yes, like them I am also without “fruits” to offer. Lent is the time when I become aware of my contrite heart, my awareness of limitations and shortcomings that, when offered to God, can even become gifts to others. Since my limitations are always with me, I know that I can always find the God of Mercy near me!

Lent is a time that requires an immediate answer. I hear the voice of God calling me to turn my heart “TODAY.” It’s amazing how quickly I develop a sense of “recent future.” I know I have to respond to the Gospel but I find myself to be too busy "now," and so I say “may be after Easter,” or “this summer,” or “certainly next Lent.” It’s never a far distant future, but a future that is so close… and, yet.. it never becomes a present reality. Not this year. Contrition must be offered now, because today is the day God is calling me to experience salvation anew. 

What do these ashes mean? They come from something that has been burned. Usually they come from palms. But I want to enter more deeply into this symbol. What does it mean to receive these ashes?

Perhaps they come from pride that needs to be burned and transformed into humility towards others, considering them as a gift to me. Maybe it’s the time I waste that needs to be burned in order to make room for time spent –  even wasted? – with others and with God. Or they can even be the mark on my hand when I offer it to others not to serve and help them in their needs but somehow to “use” them to satisfy mine. I have ashes on my hand when I treat relationships coldly, taking for granted the people that God has given me. 

What to do? I have to start ‘fasting’ from all things that keep me away from God and others and turn everything into a gift to others. I can fast from judging others knowing that Christ lives in them. I can fast from the sarcastic remarks I make in order to offer healing words; I can fast from complaining when things do not go my way and be grateful that they went some other way. I can certainly fast from whining about the aches and pains of life and develop an attitude of awe and appreciation for life. 

I am ready to begin Lent. This year, I want to find ashes on my hands – all the things I have to burn in order to let my contrite heart become a Tabernacle, a new way for God to be present in our midst.

Lent is way more than “giving up things.” I am giving up “myself.” And in return, I get the heart of Jesus. What a Journey this will be!