These are demands that I cannot ignore. I struggle with demands in general but I understand why they are there. Today I must ask myself, 'Do I want to make this lenten Journey or am I doing it just because it's Lent.?" Maybe I am afraid to ask myself if I really want to be a (real) Christian or am I settling with who I am now?
"Deny." What an ugly word! It means that something that is to be believed to be true is now understood as not to be true. Isn't this the ugliest reality that the Gospel highlights constantly - the truth we believe about ourselves is not true, or at the least is not the whole truth. How much energy is spent to defend this image that we have created about ourselves. We are convinced that if we become what we imagine we will be happy. And yet... day after day, we realize that this is the very cause of all suffering we experience. I must deny this truth I created about myself. but how?
I know a lot of people who deny themselves a lot of things because they want to achieve the goals they have. Athletes deny themselves free time in order to practice their sport; others deny themselves some type of food because they want to be healthy. Then, denial only sounds like an ugly word but it highlights, instead, what matters to us the most. Then, if I value Christ and the Christian life, why is it that denial sounds like ... too much?
Deny myself. Let go of the false image of my self that I have created this past year. How do I do it? By picking up the Cross. Here's the "key." It's an invitation to accept who I am truly: picking up all the suffering, the sinfulness and the ugliness of my life as He did. Finding value in my own brokenness and in that of others.
"And follow me." The Cross-picking is not an isolated practice. It is done because, as we follow Him who leads us to Good Friday and Easter, we know He can change everything into a wonderful reality: The Resurrection Life. It's a life of transformation that gives me a new identity, a new self that as only when I follow Him as He wants me to.
Jesus also speaks of losing one's life in order to find it. How ironic. Then, I need to get lost today. I need to find ways of getting rid of my old self, the one that wants to run through a red light, pouts if someone does not agree with me, rolls his eyes if someone gives me attitude. I will lose myself, picking up the Cross, in order to find Jesus in them and doing whatever it takes to follow Him.
This is my choice, the way I answer to His "If..." I want to get lost today. I will be found by Him. And that's worth everything!!!!
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